"I’ve noticed this about Charlie, she doesn’t know what a cardigan is."

Foghorn Leghorn

"There I am, at work just chilling, and in walks this girl I barely know, and she starts talking to me like we’ve been friends for years. That’s just what she’s like."

Marc

"I get dumb because I get excited and want to party Lionel Ritchie style."

Red colesworth

"Brunch?" "Yeah! Perfect!" "Where did you wanna go?" "I don’t know! Can we meet at my place? I need a hand getting something down from somewhere high, first" "Alright"

Old Mate McCarren. 

the-real-seebs:

stand-up-comic-gifs:

He’s just mad because he can’t acquire all the apple juice that I’m acquiring. (x)

That is a very powerful story. Also, that really is an incredible price on apple juice.

"Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter."

Lemony Snicket, The Penultimate Peril  (via friendly-neighborhood-crystal)
Ball’in

Ball’in

"I bought some shoes off a drug dealer, I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day!"

"She was free in her wildness. She was a wanderess, a drop of free water. She belonged to no man and to no city."

Roman Payne, The Wanderess (via floranymph)

image

The fist official pictures of The Avengers: Age of Ultron.

"I don’t get shit done around you, woman."